Dedicated to Ethel Rothenberg and Barbara Sirois

Growing up in Elementary School was challenging, in a Public School, PS 213.

Being a Special Needs person, in the midst of an era where special services was just being learned and approved. 

It was called the Committee on the Handicapped.  Not everyone saw the vision; and, not everyone was for the vision they saw. 

They did not belong in public schools, they said.  Integration in a public school environment, huh?  From segregation to mainstreaming, that was the challenge. 

“They can learn”, she said 

“They deserve a change”, she proclaimed.

All they need is a little extra services; the teachers did not understand, were indifferent, or, more specifically, ADAMANTLY OPPOSED.  I do not want those kids with my kids (parents said).  THEY MIGHT BECOME ONE OF THEM. 

Kids that slobbered, although intelligent.  Slurred speech but with a sharp mind. 

Can add subtract and divide, but cannot hold a pencil right. 

“Teach them”, she said.  She fought so hard against her fellow teachers.

Those educators whom did not want them there.  No extra tax dollars to spend; but you can spend it on a government welfare checks to keep them uneducated and unproductive.  Let us continue to warehouse them.

We learned, we socialized in a limited capacity.

I was scared of them more-so than them of me, I believe.  We were exposed to them every once in a while in integrated classes.  I panicked and longed for them to leave. 

They were the aliens invading our rooms.  We did not know what to do, but made it through the 45 minute intervals. 

We learned and were in the classroom only because of people like Ethel Rothenberg. 

I learned and made it through because of People like Barbara Sirois.

In college to get my degree.  I did not need to explain anything to her.  She knew it took me a little longer to get to the computer labs, to the library.  She knew I needed a little extra time.  She knew of those little helpful things that helped me get my masters. 

Did I need to go to the bathroom?  Yes, she knew.  A wheelchair accessible bathroom.  Did I need first pick on my classes, so that I could have them in the same building and not run across campus in 10 minutes from one class to another, SHE KNEW.  SHE HELPED.  SHE MADE MY COLLEGE DEGREE POSSIBLE.  She was Barbara Sirois. 

Dedicated thanks to Barbara and Ethel. 

And now I face the same hurdles and barriers for my child.  He is awesome in sports and loves the outdoors.  Intelligent he is.  Helpful and awesome. 

They say he is just a little behind others.  At the same IQ level.  But, it takes him a little more effort not much. 

Give him a little help is all I asked for, even the playing field.  They said no.  They are not the Ethel Rothenberg’s and Barbara Sirois’s.  They are the other.  The non-caring and ADAMANTLY opposed ones. 

I am hoping THEY can live with themselves.  I am hoping for God’s judgment.  

What happens when you cause and contribute to someone failing in their education.  What happens when you contribute to generational illiteracy and dysfunction.  Instead of helping and making presumptions to help and deliver services, you create and erect barriers in education.  You cause and turn people from an opportunity to succeed, but lead them to failure and more emotional loss.  YOU KILL THEIR SPIRIT AND DESIRE.  YOU HURT THEM.  YOU ARE NOT ETHEL OR BARBARA.

They bent over backwards, they knew and helped.

You are the impersonal obstinate administrator.  I will not speak up or make waves.  I love my job.  But all the injured children, are in your school, going without their needs being met.  What if God strips you of your wealth and prestige? What if you die with your wealth and prestige but are held accountable for all the lives you caused to fail and criminals and dysfunctionals you generated by saying no to help.  Will the wealth ease your mind if he sends you below?

My child was injured, he faced divorce.

My child was injured, he was retained in your school.

I objected and advocated. 

You held back and denied and supported the decisions and ac1tions of your superior.  You are an administrator part of the system.  They were rebels, true educators, with a cause, a heart, a compassion, a love for children, a love for people. 

I dedicate this also to the other.  The other Faison’s and Smith’s .  The other IEP teams/members.  God is Good.  He will provide.

I remember the good done to and for me.  THE PURPOSE TO WRITE IS TO REMEMBER.  I remember Barbara, Ethel, Elaine, and the hundreds of others.  God Bless.  The purpose is to remember while I cry for my child.  To write I am commanded.  

The Barriers in The Church And This is the Modern Church

I Remember a Better Day

I remember being a part of and designing a logo for a community collaborative of churches in New York, minister and members from different churches and denominations standing together to help people.

I remember the housing program.

I remember unifying with the community policing, the church and the police.

I remember the feeding programs.

I remember the Van Ministry and the Mothers of the church.

I remember the church dinners. 

I remember the follow-ship and visiting other churches and singing for the choir.

I remember the prison outreach ministry and the global evangelism. 

I remember a whole lot of other outreach programs and being picked up after revival services.

I remember the mothers of the church and they being filled with the Holy Ghost.

I remember the right hand of fellowship.

I remember being baptized three times.

I remember the old-time minister and praying with him that Jesus would save me;  “Save me Jesus…….. Save me Jesus………. Fill me Jesus…….. Fill me Jesus” [in Summer 1985]. The Summer Revival Services.

I remember 21 day fast.

I remember tarrying for the Holy Ghost all night long and slobbering. 

I remember the testimonials before services.

I remember the songs before services.

I remember the youth outreach to those that came to church with guns intending to rob the church.

I remember the pastor going to the court to advocate for the children.

I remember him getting calls all night long.

The church dinners and all these things, where are they at.

The barriers in the church. 

We do not want those programs because they draw “those people”.

We will have events but not put on road side signs to invite member of the general public [while the event is for the general public].

We cannot go to the neighborhood hospitals and nursing homes, etc, because “we respect their privacy …….. our tax dollars are for the nursing homes”, these are the new barriers and rationale for not helping. 

We do not help with jobs because there is unemployment insurance and “welfare”, these are the new barriers and rationale for not helping. 

I remember Caratini.

The barriers are a right hand of fellowship is replaced with a six month new beginners course.

The baptism is replaced with six months of classes to understand baptism. 

The bible studies no-longer welcome the illiterate, and, you must purchase a book and literature. 

God forbid if you want to become a member.  Now you must be interviewed and have a resume. 

The barriers are the disabled and the mothers do not even attend.

“NO FOOD FOR YOU’, no clothing. 

You want help, fill out an application, and we will determine if you paid enough tithes and offerings.

No clothes for you.

No housing. 

“Tunnel vision” they say you have.  But, the churches are clubs.

Invited to bar-b-ques in one church, and outcast and outside of the group-club in another (those exclusive clubs and secret societies). 

“Tunnel vision” from churches that do not get along and visit each other, but we are all “BROTHERS AND SISTERS” in Christ “One big old Southern Baptist Convention”.  [But your own statistics and reports show a membership decline and failure.]

My memories may be different than yours.  But, I have seen a glorious church(es), and, if I remember and reflect on those, and am grateful; then, do not get angry with me and call me names.  I am just thankful and writing things down in my book of remembrance.  Be Thankful.  God Bless.

You Are Crazy You Idiot How Could you Drive out There with Her

She Said Thank You While I Remembered Being Chewed Out

I remember, last year, about summer time, being chewed out my by Youngest Brother

How could you drive that piece of junk to Pennsylvania? 

You have no business driving her in the middle of the night?

But, my mom’s said, “Thank You.”

She wanted so much to go to the funeral of her sister. 

She wanted so much to see her one last time.

But, she said, “Thank you”.

“If it was not for you, I would not have seen her before she died”, she said. 

We had Gone in my Beat Up Geo Prizm. 

When she found out her sister was suffering from brain cancer/tumors, she wanted to see her. 

I made a special trip out there, and, there was closure. 

Two sister’s “loved on each other” and forgave their differences and made amends and had two meals together. 

And, afterwards, my moms regularly sent stuff to her sister and talked with her. 

Way back when, I asked if anyone would help to get my mom’s to PA.

Only one sibling out of seven responded favorably. 

He said, you can use my Gran AM.

All the rest seemed to be against me. 

They are the ones with the fancy cars and nicer homes. 

But God used me to be a blessing to my mom’s and her sister. 

And now I am at rest, but I do remember. 

I remember the harsh words and absence of responses. 

“They all” have the extra money to go on vacations and ski resorts and trips all over the world.

The fly here, they drive there, they go everywhere.  But, no one could come up with money to send my mom’s to PA, so I drove her. 

And, I was willing to drive her to the funeral, but God did not permit that to happen because of her “medical condition” and scheduled surgeries.  When I told her her sister passed, she sighed, but then immediately said, “Let’s go” to see and be a part of the funeral.  Unfortunately, that did not happen. 

But the blessing was when she said to me, “If it was not for you driving me I would not have seen my sister.”  That made my heart glad.

If the Lord Will, I will do such and such.  Life can disrupt your plans.  It is important then to make sure we do Right by others and see them while we can.  I am at rest.  My siblings are helping with funeral costs, but the best blessing is mine.  They bulked when they calculated over $1000.00 to attend a funeral, so they decided to send money instead.  God is Good and Knows everything and Sees all and Thankfully, prior to leaving this world, my moms did see her sister.  

He Will Supply All Your Needs According to His Riches and Glory

He Will Supply All of Your Needs According to His Riches and Glory

I just could not do it.  I could not clear my storage closet. 

When my ex-wife had left, she tossed things all over. 

Stuff was taken off the shelves. It was a disarray. 

Within me, while physically and financially, I had the resources and capability, the drive, will, and desire was absent. 

I focused and continue to focus on ministry.   That focus was the basis for the blessings.

The Blessings was from the Young People from Casa whom came to my home this past weekend to “get rid of my baggage" [junk].  They cleared out the storage unit, and, simultaneously God gave me the will power to just “Let it all Go!”.  I let go of the junk that was hindering progress.  And, repairs were made that I needed to do.  Thank God for His church and the youth. 

The End result was a storage closet that was cleaned out.

The End Result was the completion of the ramp renovation started by Wendell Baptist Church (with the removal of debris). 

The end result is a coved storage area that looks professional in my back yard.

God is Good sand I thank Him for His blessings.

I have been in Wendell since 2004.

The first church I regularly attended here was Hephzibah Baptist Church.

What is and was interesting is in all the time I have lived here, not once did God allow them to be used, like those at WBC and Casa have been.  Yet and still, it presents they have more resources.  Yet it presents that I spent more time there than the two other churches combined.  Hum.

God is Good, and Again, I want to thank the Him and the Churches for the blessings.  He does provide for your needs according to His riches and Glory. 

Wendell Baptist

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BwHGYck_H8PlNnNtMW1FQlE0MGs

Casa Limpesa After

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BwHGYck_H8PlUnhMaVBROHIxMGM

Some of Casa Before Limpesa

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BwHGYck_H8PlZG8zTGdUeGJOMUE

May you Rest in Peace

It Troubles My Heart

I do not know, and maybe it is just me; but if someone is about to pass in this lifetime to another world, and they call for you to be by their side, I would think you would do all you can to be by their side.

A loved one called for a family member to be by their side, and, the answer from the family member was “I do not want to go there”, I want to remember her the way she was. 

Close family members for the loved one agreed with that family member’s decision.  It was hard for me to be a part of the conversation and process at that point.  My whole perception is regardless of how a person looks like now, a dramatic change from what they were, if they called on you for a need you would be by their side.  Swollen faces and disfigurement for me are no reason to bar myself from visiting someone.  And, to that end, I made a commitment to myself to “whatever the cost” get that family member to the loved one.  But, it did not happen and I am sad. 

I think it is incumbent and our duty as family to ensure that other family members do not feel strange about asking for favors, especially in times of need like death knocking on somebody’s heart.  I am hoping that the decline in my offer to drive my family to the loved one was not filtered through some resentment or ill will towards me. 

It is hard seeing this type of behavior.  It reminded me of the wounded soldiers that return home maimed and no one is there to greet them at the airport.  Or, the person involved in an accident, whom suddenly is wheelchair bound, and does not get a visit from their loved ones while in the hospital, and then return home to divorce papers because “for better or for worse” was not what they meant or could deal with. 

I pondered whether I should drive to the loved one on my own.  Then decided against it.  The reason being was to ask, “are you ready to cross over to the other side” and pray with that person.  But, in this instance, I know that some of her children were/are involved in church and sure enough prayed with and for her and shared the Good News with her.  So, I was at peace because I knew “someone talked with her”, and they being her children. 

My last two aunt’s that passed I am glad I got to visit them before they passed.  Also, in this instance, I am glad I drove with my mom last year to see our loved one.  We shared coffee and a meal and that was great.  It was a brief time, but, every moment and minute was special. 

I understand the decision not to visit the loved one, and know the family member really does not have the means to visit the loved one.  However, that family member sure enough wants to be there for the funeral, and, Lord Will, I will be there.

Please take time to be with your loved ones while they are alive, and not on their death beds.  God Bless.  

Diamond Selver

Are U Judgmental?
How do you deal with your guilt and shame.


Dedicated to the Selver and White Family

Matthew 7:1-3King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

² For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

³ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Sometimes, we judge others to deal with our own guilt and shame. 

Adults can be very shameful creatures. 

They hate others without a cause.

They ridicule and despise. 

A child was despised.

She was labeled an “attention seeker”.

She died.

At her school, everyone was instructed “Do not speak her name.”.

At her school, “they pretended no one was ever there, she never existed”.

The most hurt was going to a Christmas Concert, and, no moment of silence was held for her at school. 

No silent prayer for the surviving children and family.

No flag at half-staff at the school.   [No grief and mourning allowed.]

No appropriate memorial or the allowance of grieving children at their school to show their grief. 

Instead, ripped were the memorial letters from her locker.

They Called and label her, JUDGED HER, as an attention seeker. 

The professionals whom probably contributed and caused her death say “do not speak her name in this school”.  

It is hard when your child comes home from school crying because school officials did not allow her to grieve, and, instead interrogated her and other school mates.
It is hard rolling up to a school and not seeing the flag at half-staff knowing a tragedy occurred there.
It is hard going to support your daughter at her concert, and, seeing the seats and knowing a young child used to sit and play there, but is now gone, and, kids are forbidden to mention her name.
It is hard addressing it these things through email and not receiving a proper response.  

And, the professionals.

Those professionals that were providing therapy.

The same type of suicide rate is for the professionals.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3124780/

What does that mean? 

The bottom line here is the therapist and psychologist are first to blame, and, they were working with this child. 

Child Protective Services are secondary [assuming the child is the first to blame] responsible for her death.

Why blame the child for her death? 

She wanted and asked to leave the house.

In her mind, whether or not based in reality, she was stigmatized and labeled a trouble maker.

So, she asked to leave, but was not allowed to leave. 

We were scared of the home environment.

My son did not even want to go to the neighborhood because he was scared. 

It was the GHETTO neighborhood.  I called it Little Africa.

It was an awful neighborhood.

So, was her request to be removed from the neighborhood imaginary or attention seeking. 

No. it was not. 

My daughter remarked on how horrible the home looked inside. 

We only saw the outside and we frightened. 

It is not a sin or bad to grow up and live in the ghetto.

I grew up and lived there and thank God, He made a way for me.

My daughter saw the need when the adults did not. 

She asked me if we could help by having her stay at our home from time to time. 

I said “YES”.  I was not judgmental.  I based my yes on what my daughter saw. 

She saw someone dying and in need. 

She saw one of her best friends.  And, now her best friend is GONE. 

She did not judge Diamond, she wanted to help Diamond. 

I could only hope all the adults could have acted like my daughter. 

Instead of judging, they should have helped. 

Is the judging helping the surviving children?

Now, Diamond’s sister has to attend a school where her sister was labeled a trouble maker, and, the adults, the school and county officials, placed their stamp of approval on that judgement. 

Can you imagine attending a school where your sister was labeled a fool?

Can you imagine the laughing at her because of the adults that lacked sympathy and empathy, but acted hostilely with apathy and negativity?

Can you imaging the surviving children losing their friends and an additional loss if they are transferred from the school?

A beacon of hope was found when I saw the Facebook page announcement on the East Wake Church of God Website.  They announced the passing of a loved one, not the passing of a fool or attention seeker.  No judgment there, but only expressions of love and loss.

The family had a history of problems, they say.

It seems like, “she deserved to die”. 

I cannot find in myself the ability to conclude a child at the age of 13 deserved to die.  I just cannot do it. 

We tried to help.  We showed up to take her to our home; but, we found the county and city law enforcement and emergency services vehicles.  Our involvement with the family was new.  We knew her for a short time.  My daughter made the quick assessment and decision to help.  I supported her and did not JUDGE Diamond. 

I could only hope and pray that as adults we all listen to our children.  That we pay attention to what they say.  That we withhold judgment. That we love them.

Sometimes, God can bring us a message through our children.  Adults can be hard headed and set in  their ways and JUDGMENTAL

. 

Diamond did not deserve to die.

Diamond was not an attention seekers. 

Diamond was a child that sought help.

Diamond was a child that died without getting the help she needed. 
Diamond was an artist.
Diamond was a musician.
Diamond was a singer.

What do we do when we see a family in need, like the White-Selver Family?

It is easier to judge and label them than to try to help. 

I have no heaven or hell to place Diamond in.
I do not know where she is, but that is between her and God.
I do not know if someone egged her on to do what she did.
I do not know her motives.
I do not know if the medications or anything else caused her not to think clearly.
I do not know all these things and other things and I would not rather choose to judge and label her.
I choose, like my daughter, to mourn her loss, and, continue to try to prevent other losses.  And, I am hoping no other family members, siblings included, make the same choice, but we are willing to help to make sure they are able to move past this horror.
Let us reserve judgment for that Day of Judgment that will come.
And, if we offended anyone, I would ask that we all kneel down and pray and ask for forgiveness so that no one else will be lost.
I am praying for her school mates and making the same prayers and efforts for all of them.  

In loving memory of Diamond Selver and the White Family.

My prayers are for Kelly White and the entire surviving family so that they can move pass this difficult time. 

GOD Bless.  

God Anchors

An Anchor

The Holy Bible instructs us to raise a child, train a child in the Lord. 

There is an inherent blessing in fulfilling that command. 

Proverbs 22:6 [Full Chapter]

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

So, what happened;

We were in a Holiday Thanksgiving Day Celebration.  My daughter stated, while seeing others being baptized, that she too wants to be baptized, in her “home church”. 

She stated it was wonderful that all the church congregation members got together to eat a Thanksgiving Day meal; and she stated all the churches need to “do this”.

Prior to going there, I woke up and praised with a heavy heart.  I knew I was going to a dinner wherein the disabled, elderly, homeless, and others in need were not necessarily invited.  So I cried within my soul, while knowing this dinner would be our family celebration because the children were scheduled to be with their mom this year for this holiday.  So, the dinner meant to me an early celebration with my kids, this year. 

We were supposed to eat as a group with my other church friends, but, they did not show due to other commitments, although they stated they would come.  I felt somewhat dejected and out of the way.  I passed all the others welcoming and greeting me, in error, while searching for my friends.  So, I wanted to leave early when I did not find my friends.  I passed through my blessing of saying hi to others whom expressed a desire to “Salud-able” and hospitable.  That was bad on my part.

But, the anchors came in, and compelled me to stay in church.  Most of the time, I take the kids to church when they are reluctant or do not want to go.  I have my anchor in church most of the time.  But, I weighed anchor and was ready to go.  Then my son said, “we cannot go dad …..  this is church”.  There was a unison between both of them. Their anchors held me in place in church. 

This was awesome and the additional blessing of the night.  I had two more anchors now in play.  So, when I am out of the way, two other ones can keep me in the way, and, that is the fruit of training up a child in the Lord, as the command was issued. 

Seeing my daughter involved in ministry; and having her state she wanted to be baptized, is a saved father’s dream and ultimate blessing from the Lord.  Then, having the additional blessing, in one night, of two children willing to help clean up, and stay til the end of service, anchoring me when I felt out of the way and dejected, is awesome.  God is Good and He will give the increase if you follow His command.  Jesus is real.